The Fired Watch – NFL Week 14

By MAX CUSTARD, FreshSportsDaily.com Wire Services

Presenting a new feature on Inside Sports Today – the blog that asks the question “if a blog is blogged and it gets absorbed into a vacuum with 500 million other blogs, does the tree fall down in the forest and make noise?” Wait, that’s not right...



Presenting the “Fired Watch,” the top 5 coaches on a weekly basis likely to be axed and then probably hired by another team or a television network long before I ever find a real job:



5. Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys (8-4 NFC East, Tied First Place)

The patron saint of the Fired Watch. The Man. The Myth. The Son of Bum. Always and forever on the hot seat. We love you, Wade! Don’t let the 19-32 December record get you down. Wade needs to at least get to the Super Bowl this year or it’s over. And that proposition looks shaky at best. Go Wade, go!

4. Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns (1-11 AFC North, Last Place)

I feel sorry for the hard working people of Cleveland and environs who paid good money for season tickets just to be subjected to the sham that they try to pass off as NFL football. Could you imagine laying down, say, 2 grand to watch THAT team 8 times, not including the God-awful pre-season? As a return on your investment, the Brownies have a perfect 0-5 record at home this season going into the Thursday night game against Pittsburgh. From here it looks like the Man-douche is a one-hit wonder who made his cake off a decent season in New York and beating Bill Belichick. Have they gotten one of those Larry Johnson-type petitions going yet to get him out of there? Just wondering.



3. Gary Kubiak, Houston Texans (5-7 AFC South, Tied Last Place)

’09 was the make-or-break year for the Texans, a franchise which has not finished with a winning record in its history. Houston was 5-3 and dreaming of the playoffs going into a big Week 9 showdown with arch-rival Indianapolis. A brutal 3 point loss to the Colts followed by three more let-downs (all divisional) has already sealed this season as another disappointment for the Texans. Right now it seems their best hope is to squeak out a .500 record. Gary Kubiak seems like an OK guy, and no one wishes him any ill, but Dude’s gonna get canned.



2. Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders (4-8 AFC West, Third Place)

Please don’t beat the shit out of me Mr. Cable! Oh, please forgive me for saying that. What I meant to say is you’re the best coach ever. Vince Lombardi sucks compared to you. Scumbag.



And the number one NFL coach who should hit the local Box City soon...

1. Jim Zorn, Washington Redskins (3-9 NFC East, Last Place)

OK, here’s the deal with the Redskins. They suck. They have a racist team name and mascot. Daniel Snyder sucks. Therefore, by proxy, Jim Zorn sucks because he coaches the Washington Redskins. One of the funniest things I ever saw was my friend Brian crying like a be-atch because the Los Angeles Raiders had just destroyed the ‘Skins and that pretentious jerk Joe Theismann in Super Bowl XVII. Marcus Allen anyone?

Honorable Mentions: John Fox - Carolina Panthers; Lovie Smith – Chicago Bears



Have a great football weekend, Sports Fans, and try to stay employed!